Sometimes No is The Best Answer.
No. One single word, one syllable, one second to say, one moment when life comes crashing down around you, one minute where so many hopes and dreams you had for a future all fade away.
No is the cruelest words in any language. It can take someone who looks at life with this amazing perspective and make them turn to a more bleak perspective. It can take someone who normally is one of the happiest people you'll ever meet and turn them to a shell of the person they've been.
I don't know if people think it's cute or sweet, whatever their reasoning, asking a couple when they're going to have a child is a very personal and private matter that should be discussed between them and not the entire world. Yes I'll admit it was cute for about 5 seconds, then it starts to become annoying and sometimes harassing.
Growing up in the South, I always knew that it was a rare thing to see people waiting to have children. I didn't realize just how true this has been until I moved back. When people stop me in the grocery store and ask me personal questions about having children, they don't know. They don't know so many things.
Most days I feel like I'm still in the exam room waiting for news that I'll never receive. Some days it takes everything I have inside me to plaster on a fake smile and go about my day. Most days it hurts to even walk outside my home and see so many people living a dream I'll never have.
Being told that after a year and a half of trying that my body will never be able to sustain a life. Broke my heart into so many pieces I don't know if even I've managed to pick them all back up and start the process of putting a shattered heart back together.
I don't want pity, that is the last thing I want, I'm a strong woman and I have an equally strong husband. I want to change the social norms and make it socially unacceptable to ask someone you may barely know about things that are very personal and private.
I want to change the response from people who find out when you tell them. The first words out of someones mouth when you tell them about your barren state should never be "How do you know?", "Are you sure?" "Never say never?", and the list goes on and on. The first response from anyone when you tell them that you have cancer isn't, "How do you know?", "Are you sure?" "Don't play games that's not funny." So why is it acceptable for the same people who would start planning out treatments for a cancer diagnoses to almost spit in your face and ask you if your sure, or whatever it may be.
I know life is hard, I know about the Plan of Salvation ( I teach it often enough to have a strong testimony about it) but right now in this moment I need to almost throw myself a pity party and grieve for the things that I won't have.
I know I will become a mother in my life but sometimes that realization takes time to sink in. I know that I will have the support of the people who really matter the most in my life. I know that becoming a parent in whatever way I'm blessed to be will be an amazing experience.
I don't want to almost hide behind the facade of not wanting children, but most days that is just so much easier than having to open the same wounds again and again. Wounds of that nature are too personal and too deep for anyone to really understand.
Most times no is the best answer, it may shatter dreams and break hearts. No, one word, one second to say. It may break hearts in the moment but in the end if you can keep an eternal perspective things work out for the best of everyone involved.
No is the cruelest words in any language. It can take someone who looks at life with this amazing perspective and make them turn to a more bleak perspective. It can take someone who normally is one of the happiest people you'll ever meet and turn them to a shell of the person they've been.
I don't know if people think it's cute or sweet, whatever their reasoning, asking a couple when they're going to have a child is a very personal and private matter that should be discussed between them and not the entire world. Yes I'll admit it was cute for about 5 seconds, then it starts to become annoying and sometimes harassing.
Growing up in the South, I always knew that it was a rare thing to see people waiting to have children. I didn't realize just how true this has been until I moved back. When people stop me in the grocery store and ask me personal questions about having children, they don't know. They don't know so many things.
Most days I feel like I'm still in the exam room waiting for news that I'll never receive. Some days it takes everything I have inside me to plaster on a fake smile and go about my day. Most days it hurts to even walk outside my home and see so many people living a dream I'll never have.
Being told that after a year and a half of trying that my body will never be able to sustain a life. Broke my heart into so many pieces I don't know if even I've managed to pick them all back up and start the process of putting a shattered heart back together.
I don't want pity, that is the last thing I want, I'm a strong woman and I have an equally strong husband. I want to change the social norms and make it socially unacceptable to ask someone you may barely know about things that are very personal and private.
I want to change the response from people who find out when you tell them. The first words out of someones mouth when you tell them about your barren state should never be "How do you know?", "Are you sure?" "Never say never?", and the list goes on and on. The first response from anyone when you tell them that you have cancer isn't, "How do you know?", "Are you sure?" "Don't play games that's not funny." So why is it acceptable for the same people who would start planning out treatments for a cancer diagnoses to almost spit in your face and ask you if your sure, or whatever it may be.
I know life is hard, I know about the Plan of Salvation ( I teach it often enough to have a strong testimony about it) but right now in this moment I need to almost throw myself a pity party and grieve for the things that I won't have.
I know I will become a mother in my life but sometimes that realization takes time to sink in. I know that I will have the support of the people who really matter the most in my life. I know that becoming a parent in whatever way I'm blessed to be will be an amazing experience.
I don't want to almost hide behind the facade of not wanting children, but most days that is just so much easier than having to open the same wounds again and again. Wounds of that nature are too personal and too deep for anyone to really understand.
Most times no is the best answer, it may shatter dreams and break hearts. No, one word, one second to say. It may break hearts in the moment but in the end if you can keep an eternal perspective things work out for the best of everyone involved.
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